My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
