HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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