ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
