so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
