Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
