I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
