I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
