while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize