Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm passing your future prison.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
