A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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