apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
