3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize