3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
