I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize