blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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