So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
