i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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