he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
