Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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