Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
