Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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