that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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