Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
