I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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