I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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