you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
