I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
