She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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