Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
