His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
