so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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