was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
