I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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