who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
porn star boner night. come get it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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