You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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