You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
