I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
this hospital has no fireball
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
