at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
