you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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