I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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