...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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