tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Green mimosas i think yes
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize