my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
