just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
