I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
