Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
