I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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