she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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