it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't deserve a penis
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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