I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
