they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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