Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
