The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you inspire me to be a worse person
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
