Old men and throwing up are my life now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
