the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
