when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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