Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
