I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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