I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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