I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
whose parrot is this?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
