splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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