he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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