What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
