morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
vagina is talking i cant
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
