He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
