Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
