seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
