i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
