I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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