I bet he comes in French.
Just cropdusted the office
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
