tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
