I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize