I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize