i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
