I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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