when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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