Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
