Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
