if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize